Jaskier is... nervous. Geralt doesn't need a witcher's senses to know that, not considering the fact that he's tapping the side of his teacup with his spoon. It's perfectly in rhythm with his bouncing leg, which is somehow both deeply annoying and also very concerning. A fidgety Dandelion is usually a Dandelion that's hiding something, and probably something that he should know about before it bites them both in the ass.
Equally concerning-- the very curt, perfunctory response. Bards never give brief responses, especially not these bards. They talk and talk until you're not sure which way is up.
Geralt will have to consider his approach carefully. With Dandelion, he would just ask him what's going on directly, but this is not Dandelion. This is Jaskier, the man who does not know him like his own bard knows him, intimately and completely. He doesn't trust him like his bard does. And trust is a very important thing.
"I don't know if just any mage would work," he replies after a moment, having considered the question. "Sending someone between worlds isn't easy. And I don't think we should risk sending you through a poorly-made portal."
Or trying to bring Dandelion back through one. He would prefer it if both bards got to their intended destinations in one piece. He knows that he'd be deeply upset if Dandelion returned to him in multiple pieces, and he can only assume that Jaskier's Geralt would be displeased.
Geralt stands and walks over to a cabinet, opening one of the doors to reveal a number of bottles of various liquors. He pulls out a bottle of vodka and a pair of glasses, then returns to the breakfast table and sets them down, pouring out a measure of liquor into each. He pushes one across to Jaskier.
"It's a bit early in the day for it," he says with a shrug, "but you look like you could use it."
"But it was a random mage that threw me here!" He exclaims with a return of the dramatics, both hands thrown in the air to match his exasperation. "I didn't go to anyone special, it was just a dipstick of a witch working at a city for easy coin!"
Usually this would be one of those moments where he wouldn't mind to quickly agree with Geralt - he likes observing magic and monsters, but not meddling with it. People may like to make fun of his sense of self-preservation, but Jaskier still knows what to run away from. And something that not even a witcher wants to touch is high on that list, if not top spot.
That's a rational line of thinking, however, and Jaskier is feeling many things at the moment, but rational isn't one of them. He wants to be out of here as soon as possible, to leave before this world where Geralt is gentle and wants him around pushes his anger away and plants the seeds of hope again.
He can't go through that again. He can't.
Luckily the witcher knows exactly what he needs: to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Jaskier doesn't hesitate to grab the glass and chug the vodka in one go, letting the liquor do its thing as he slowly accepts the inevitable aspect of his current situation.
"Bollocks." He mumbles with a little sigh as he puts the glass back on the table with a little more force than he intended, the sound of it hitting the wood echoing in the dining room. He finally dares to look at Geralt then, mind braver with alcohol in his veins, and makes a grabby hand at the witcher. "If you're going to contact Yennefer, then pass me the bottle."
Because there's no way he'll suffer both her and not-really-except-yes-Geralt at the same time while fucking sober.
"Any sorceress throwing you across worlds isn't a dipstick of a witch, Jaskier," he says, "and definitely not if she can take someone from this world while she's at it."
Jaskier drains his glass of vodka quickly, needing the liquid courage. Geralt doesn't judge him for it-- gods know the both of them have used alcohol as a coping mechanism before. And, if nothing else, Dandelion tends to have an even looser tongue after he's gotten a few drinks into his stomach, and the vodka might similarly loosen Jaskier's. He pours another measure for him.
"Might've helped if you got her name," he adds, but if Jaskier had known the sorceress' name, he probably would've said it by now. They might have tried to track her down in this world, see if she could undo what her alternate universe counterpart had done. It doesn't matter at this point, though-- what's done is done. Geralt gives the vodka bottle over, putting it into Jaskier's grabbing hands. Let him deal with having to interact with Yennefer, even at a distance, however best suits him.
"Yen left me a xenovox," Geralt explains. "Let me fetch it and we'll see if she can help."
He keeps it in his bedroom, in a drawer. Yen had given it to him only for emergencies, anyway, not to use for social calls, so he rarely has occasion to use it. When he returns with the small object, he places it on the breakfast table and speaks.
"Yen? If you're there, I need to talk to you."
There are a few soft noises that filter over the box, perhaps like it's being picked up and placed in a more convenient location. The swish of cloth, the sound of footsteps.
"I hope it's for something important," the sorceress' voice drifts out of the device, clear enough that she might as well have been in the same room. "I'm quite busy."
"You always are," he says. "Look, did you notice anything strange happening in Toussaint? A fluctuation in Chaos or something?"
"I may have," she says, in a tone that Geralt knows means that she certainly did and doesn't like the fact that he knows.
"Something went wrong with some portals," he tells her. "Dandelion is gone, and I have a... version of him from another world sitting at my breakfast table."
"Maybe not a dipstick but still a bitch." He mumbles before downing his second shot. "Nobody in town knew her name, and I wasn't in the mood to try to charm it out of her. I only wanted to get the hell out of Hengfors."
And isn't that telling? Geralt is right about alcohol losing Jaskier's tongue, there goes a couple of details into whatever is going on in this bard's head - which isn't pretty, to say the least. Especially if he wasn't in the mood to flirt. At least Geralt does pass him the bottle, allowing him to silence his loud feelings for at least a moment - he's already drinking when the witcher leaves the room.
"Xenowhat now?" He asks a little too late.
Maybe a special kind of messenger bird? Whatever. If it means not having to see her, Jaskier approves. He continues to drink as he considers his next move - he should wait for notGeralt to come back, he supposes, wouldn't want him to think a portal got him again. Perhaps he could ask for a room then, or at least the library, and stay in there writing (or pretending to) and reading and avoid the rest of the world until he could find a way back home. He can't spend his whole stay here drunk just to be able to look at notGeralt's face.
Although the idea is very tempting...
He's in the middle of chugging again when Geralt puts down a little object on the table and--
What the everlasting fuck.
Jaskier chokes on the vodka, spitting some on the table and all over his pants. Fuck, those are nice pants! Somehow he manages to glare at Geralt as he pats his chest and coughs, blue eyes filled with anger: a mix of what he brought with him already and new frustration provoked by being made talk to the witch and sounding like an drunk idiot in the process.
"Something went wrong?! She did it on purpose!" Here comes the flapping of his hands as he raises his voice, alcohol definitely helping him cut loose. "I asked for Oxenfurt, she SAID she would send me somewhere else instead! To my face! Obviously nothing went wrong on HER end!"
Jaskier chokes on his vodka when Yen speaks, clearly not expecting her voice. Not familiar with xenovoxes, apparently-- well, that's an oversight, but it is technically better for Jaskier to be part of this conversation. He's the one who got tossed across worlds, after all, Yen might need details that only he would know.
"Well, he certainly complains like Dandelion," she says, and Geralt frowns because, accurate or not, the comment is purposefully inflammatory. The bard is already defensive and uncomfortable, making him more so isn't ideal.
"She told him that he needed to be here," Geralt supplies, in the hope that this information would make some sense to another sorceress.
"I don't know the minds of other sorceresses," Yen says, "nor would I generally care to. Her reasons for doing this are ultimately unimportant. If it were simply a matter of sending this bard back where he comes from, it would be a straightforward task, though perhaps not an easy one."
"But?"
"But, I assume that you want Dandelion back as well. That complicates matters." Yen hums, as though considering her options. "It's an unusual enough situation to intrigue me. Very well, Geralt, I'll see what can be done. Entertain your new bard for a little while, I'll need to do some research."
"Yen, wait--" Geralt starts to say, but he's cut off by the sorceress.
"I'll contact you when I'm ready for you. Good-bye, Geralt."
The xenovox goes silent. Geralt grumbles at it, but there's little that he can do with Yen on the other side of the Continent. If she doesn't want to answer, she won't answer, and neither hell nor high water would be able to make her change her mind.
Uncomfortable? Geralt, please. Yennefer being an arse to him is the most home-like thing he's seen so far after Roach. This is actually safe territory he can easily deal with! (Which says a lot about the heartbreak Geralt left him with, to be honest.)
"I suppose some things stay true across all worlds - like being a bitch."
...okay, not his best work. But he's tired, heartbroken, confused and tipsy. Not exactly feeling very witty at the moment.
At least Geralt explains the rest to her. The fact the situation 'intrigues her' makes Jaskier roll his eyes and drink more - so if this hadn't intrigued her, she wouldn't be helping Geralt. Typical. When she says good-bye without leaving room for more, Jaskier decides to be very mature and stick his tongue out at the xenovox. It's dumb but damn, it feels right.
"I am not some child that needs to be entertained." Big words after the gesture he just made. And he definitely gets bored easily as well, but he needs to be against Yennefer's words on principle. After one more sip, he finally puts the bottle down and looks at his pants. "I need to change before this stains." A sigh. "I guess I'm stuck here for a while. May I ask for a room?"
It's an admonishment, but only slight. If they had been sitting on the same sides of the table, it may have been accompanied by a light slap to the arm, but nothing more. Yen hardly needs Geralt to defend her-- she can defend herself against Dandelion perfectly well on her own, she can probably handle his alternate universe counterpart, too.
He's certainly not at his best, too, if he can't get more creative than bitch. Or more mature than sticking his tongue out at an inanimate object. Well-- he's had a trying day, no doubt, and he's halfway to drunk, so maybe he can be forgiven for not being particularly witty.
The bard asks for a room, which is... fine, of course. There are plenty of rooms. He could have more than one, if he wants, and sleep in different rooms as he pleases.
"Of course," he says. "Pick whichever one you want. If you go down the hall, the last door on the right is a study that Dandelion liked to write in. You can use it if you want. It gets good light."
And had a lovely view of the vineyards, which Dandelion had said was immensely important for his creative flow, when he had claimed it for his own. Though if Jaskier went through all of the guest rooms, he wouldn't find a bedroom with this world's version of Filavandrel's lute and a closet full of foppish clothes-- because they were all in the master bedroom. The lute on a stand next to a rack housing a pair of swords, doublets hung up in the closet next to plain linen shirts. A book of antique poetry on the nightstand on the right side of the bed, a manual of rare potion recipes on the nightstand on the left, the side that was nearest to the door. Other little signs of cohabitation.
"You're welcome here," he says, "for as long as it takes to get you back home. You don't have to worry."
Oh, look, there goes another thing that stays the same in all worlds: Geralt jumping in to defend her. Jaskier drinks to that as well.
Geralt gets a nod at his words, followed by a snort. He sincerely doubts he'll get any writing done soon, Her Sweet Kiss being the last thing he was able to produce... a month ago. Being stuck here doesn't exactly help his mood either, which frustrates him even more, because he should be getting one hell of an unique experience and thousands of stories worth of ballads.
But no, his visit to another world includes Geralt of fucking Rivia, because of course it does, and Jaskier feels the weight of that golden gaze squeezing his heart by the second.
He stands up and gathers his things (yes, including the bottle of vodka, that's his now), then turns towards the hallway, ready to find a room to disappear into... but Geralt goes and says more. Nice words, gentle words, words that crawl under his skin with their care. It drives him crazy, it gets on his nerves, it hurts. So much. Accepting it to be real means the situation at home becomes even more unfair in contrast.
"Stop being so bloody nice!" Now that's something he never thought he'd ever say. His voice is snappy, his shoulders shaking as he speaks without turning around because even if he feels braver now thanks to the alcohol, he's afraid of finding the kindness of those words in those golden eyes as well. "I know I'm only needed to keep some-- some-- magical connection thingy or whatever to your bard. Worry not, I'll be out of your hair. This place is huge--" His voice breaks then. "--it won't be hard to keep on avoiding you until it's all over."
Keep on avoiding you. His stomach twists when he says that 'you', confusion appearing again and making his head hurt. Or maybe that's just the vodka...?
Jaskier gathers his things and the scent of him keeps getting worse and worse, despite all of Geralt's efforts to be kind. It's as though the kindness is the problem, or that Geralt is, just inherently hurting him through existing. It's a hard thing for him to wrap his head around, this younger version of his dearest friend who can barely look at him without smelling like pain.
Stop being so bloody nice, he says, then continues on with some absolute rot about avoiding Geralt for the rest of his time here. Telling him that he'd be out of his hair, as though the witcher would want or expect the bard to be anywhere but. Geralt basically invites Dandelion to be, on a daily basis. What would he do with his life if he didn't have a chatty musician in it?
The delicate approach-- admittedly not Geralt's strong point, even on the best days-- has not been particularly effective. Fine, then, he'll just have to try what usually works better for him, which is asking blunt questions until he gets answers. Works on monster hunts, it'll work on the bewildering interpersonal relations of the alternate universe counterparts of himself and his bard. Geralt stands, the legs of his chair squeaking on the floor from the abrupt movement, and crosses the room; it takes him no more than three strides. His body is between Jaskier and the hall. The bard could get around him if he must, but he couldn't take the direct route out of the room.
"What did I do to you, Jaskier?" he asks, voice low and imploring. Talk to me, it begs. "Tell me. What did the man in your world who has my name do to you?"
Yennefer is under the impression that she must simply exchange one bard for another-- perhaps Geralt will need to tell her that she has to bring another witcher into the world, solely for him to have the unique experience of being able to literally beat the shit out of himself.
The delicate approach hasn't been a complete failure - the invite to drink with him (aka having alcohol in his veins) is definitely helping speed this along. If this has been Geralt from home, Jaskier would've already sent him to hell the minute he saw him. As it stands now, however, looking at this familiar yet strange witcher confuses him too much, throws him off his center. He wants to avoid him, to look the other way, not to melt under the kindness of those words.
Geralt is almost begging to talk. Geralt never begs, especially not to lose his blessed silence.
And so it's the alcohol that allows him to confront all this - which makes him even madder, because never has he need liquid bravery to use his tongue or to look at Geralt in the eye. The situation is unique, he reminds himself, he has all the right in the world to feel vulnerable and lost. Besides, he doesn't want to lose this anger, he can't be that fool again - and if he requires vodka to keep those emotions from fleeing, so be it.
Having the witcher suddenly block his way makes him flinch, but this time he's ready to fight back, the questions and the begging and just the possibility of that being actual worry finally make him snap.
"Tossed me aside like an old dog!" He cries out, hurt clear in his eyes, his voice, his scent. Only one hand gesturing since the other still has the vodka, but that has never been a problem when it comes to his dramatics. "Twenty years of loyalty-" Not so young after all, is he? Just like Dandelion, the young spirit carries on his looks as well. "-of trying to understand grunts, of holding your fucking guts! Only to be blamed for all the shit in your life!" You again, and some part of him knows it's incorrect, but he isn't thinking clearly at the moment. He only sees those golden eyes and white hair and the rage flows. "So go fuck yourself, Geralt of Rivia! Now move aside or I'll change the song to throw a bottle at your witcher!"
Geralt knows when men are lying to him, and the pain and hurt in Jaskier's scent rings true as anything. What he describes to Geralt is a terrible betrayal, a man taking two decades of loyalty and care and friendship, all for lies about how the bard has caused all of his troubles. That has never been true-- even if he had gotten into trouble at times and needed Geralt's help getting back out of it, the witcher never begrudged him for it. Never blamed him for the things that went wrong in his life, because Geralt's life is his own godsdamned responsibility. Not Jaskier's, not Yen's, not even fucking Destiny's.
So hearing that this betrayal came at his hands is a shock. Nearly incomprehensible, really-- how could someone who's supposed to be him act in a way that's so diametrically opposed? How could there be a world where Geralt of Rivia doesn't love his bard-- whether he goes by the name Dandelion or Jaskier, a rose by any other name-- and cherish him as his truest friend?
"I don't understand," he says, and he'll weather having a bottle thrown at him if it will end with him getting some clarity. "I never sent Dandelion away. I never said anything like that to him. Why would I lie? And why would he ever believe it?"
Not only could he not imagine saying those things to his friend, he couldn't imagine Dandelion standing there and taking it and believing him. If he had told him that he was responsible for all the shit in his life, Dandelion would've told him that he was full of it and then immediately gone on to list all the ways that he had been the instrument of his own misery, probably in iambic pentameter or something. By the end of it, Geralt would've been the one apologizing and would've probably been talked into going to another banquet with the bard, to keep him out of trouble-- for free, of course.
"Dandelion has always been a friend to me. Is it... isn't that the same, for you?"
The bottle is definitely raised, but Geralt keeps talking, and it reminds Jaskier that this isn't the one from home, the one that broke his heart into pieces in the first place. And shouldn't that be a lesson not to fall for it again? But oh he's weak and wanting - Jaskier needs people, needs this kindness, needs a fucking hug right now to confort him. How can he blame the guy for something he didn't do when he's hurt over someone doing the same to him?
How can he not give in to this care and worry he so desperately needs when it comes from the voice he's dreamed about since he was 18? It's a very powerful combo.
"Stop it. Stop--" Being so nice, he wants to say, but he can't. He can't even mean it, he wants this tenderness to evolve him. Yet each word is at the same time a needle that reminds him with sharp pain of what he could have if he had been born in the right world. "--stop rubbing it in. Stop making me feel like-- like an imbecile."
Why would he ever believe it? Gosh, such a simple question that feels like a kick to his stomach. He's dealt with similar questions a lot the past two decades - why would he follow a mutant? Why would he accept being treated like that? So many courts wanted him, and Oxenfurt itself too, yet he insisted on following Geralt. Jaskier would start singing the praises of his best friend in the whole world then, explaining actions speak louder than words. Life had been unkind to the witcher, he only needed some kindness to learn to relate to others better. He knew Geralt, he had no reason to believe his insults - or so had he thought.
Why would he ever believe it? What a question. If he believed what Geralt said so easily, then... it's because he had reasons to, right? Easy to defend the witcher against other people's insults, but when it comes to believing it himself...
Bollocks. He's such an idiot.
"I THOUGHT I WAS!" He suddenly cries out, the bottle of vodka being dropped to the floor so he can use his hand to cover his face instead. He promised he wouldn't have a breakdown, that the asshole isn't worthy of one, but alcohol and being hit in the face with the version of their relationship he's always craved for have his emotions off-center, unable to really control them (not that he's even been good at that anyway, wearing his heart in his sleeve as he does). It's overwhelming to say the least, and so some tears appear on those blue eyes. "I shaved him, for fuck's sake! I held a blade to his bloody witcher neck, and I thought that meant--"
Something. Anything. At least some kind of progress. Trust?
Everything that he says seems to push Jaskier closer and closer to an emotional breakdown; he can smell it on him, like an oncoming storm. Geralt is starting to get a clearer picture of the man that he is in Jaskier's world, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't like the idea that he is the kind of cruel man who would toss aside a loyal friend so callously, leaving him wrecked.
I thought I was.
Jaskier drops the bottle, and the glass is thick enough that it withstands the fall. More importantly, though, his hand rises to cover his face, but it can't hide the salt smell of his tears. Bitterness and grief, and Geralt hates it, hates the shake of his shoulders and the quiver in his voice, the pain so obviously etched into him.
He'd shaved him. Held a blade to his throat, ran it over his skin. In more recent years, Geralt had let Dandelion trim his beard for him-- the bard claimed that he did a neater job of it, though Geralt suspects that it's more that he wanted to put his expensive oils in it, soften up the hair so that he didn't get beard burn all over his lips and thighs. But even before that, he had let Dandelion shave him on the occasions that he couldn't do it himself, either due to injury or fatigue. He would never have allowed anyone to put a blade to his neck if he didn't trust them completely.
"I'm sorry," he says, bringing his hands to Jaskier's shoulders, a gentle touch. If he had been more certain that doing so wouldn't break him further, he might have pulled him into an embrace. "You shouldn't have been treated so poorly. I know that I'm not him, and he should be the one saying this to you, but-- I'm sorry, either way."
The touch makes him tense, but it's only for a short moment - the voice is apologizing and the hands aren't pushing him away. It's not real, or well, it's not coming from the one he would want it to come from. But can he be blamed for instantly deflating anyway? Can he be blamed for taking a step forward and resting his forehead on that broad chest? For seeking warmth and comfort?
Hasn't he earned it after two decades? He's just so fucking tired.
"...thanks. And-- I'm sorry too. I made you lose your bard yet you still were nice to me, even when I yelled at you. But you aren't him. You shouldn't be..." Apologizing. Getting Jaskier's crap. He sighs. "It's confusing, looking at you. I should know better and yet... I know those golden eyes. I know that starlight hair, that sharp jaw, that deep voice. I recognize the unique scent of Roach." It could be taken as a jab, but for once, he doesn't mean it that way. "Some details are wrong but the rest... you're just older. More scarred. I look at you and I want to throw something at your stubborn head but then you speak kindly to me, you actually use your words, and I just want to give in again. Like a fool."
Because that's what he is, there's no other explanation. His heart is being torn apart by these conflicting feelings, never has he been so overwhelmed by his own emotions - yet here he is, sadness still coming off him in waves, but also calming down under Geralt's attention. Because no matter what happens he continues to be a sucker for it. A fool indeed.
"I haven't sung about the White Wolf in a month." He finally confesses as a shaking hand reaches up to grab a handful of white shirt (a color that isn't black? so wrong). "But my reputation haunted me. I only wanted to go home, get away from it all. Was that really too much to ask for?"
"Dandelion isn't lost," Geralt says. "He's just... temporarily mislaid. He'll likely get himself into some kind of trouble, but I'll get him back out of it again."
Somewhere, in a different world and on a different Continent, a bard is walking into a tavern and finding a grouchy, white-haired witcher in the corner of the room.
Jaskier steps closer and lets his forehead rest on Geralt's chest, and he slides his arms around the bard in response. Holds him as friends do, as a comfort when one is upset-- as he would with Dandelion or any other friend. Well, perhaps less amorously than he would with Dandelion, but that's neither here nor there.
Starlight hair. Dandelion's used the same line before, but it's a good sign that the bard is starting to spout poetry again. A bard that doesn't make poetry is a sad thing, indeed.
"I wasn't always like this," he says, rubbing a soothing hand over Jaskier's back. "I used to talk in mostly grunts and curses. Drove Dandelion up a wall. It took years of patience to teach me how to use words instead of just saying hm and then brooding for half an hour."
But you can teach an old wolf new tricks, if you're patient enough and have exactly zero fear around witchers. Which, thankfully, Dandelion had in spades-- though he could be a coward in many other circumstances, he was always more loyal than he was cowardly. And a man who was willing to walk into Brokilon Forest after Geralt was certainly confident enough to tell the witcher to quit glaring at the wall like a sodden cat and talk to him.
"You've gotten your wish, I suppose," Geralt muses. "You are about as far away from it all as you can get. And your reputation won't haunt you here. If you don't want to sing a note, you don't have to, White Wolf ballad or otherwise. You can spend your days here drinking wine and losing to me at gwent if it pleases you."
Jaskier's heart picks up, especially when a hand starts rubbing his back as well. It helps him hear what Geralt has to say, because here comes the crashing of feelings again. To know he isn't alone in having dealt with an emotionally constipated Geralt is a bit comforting, but at the same time, it makes him feel like more of an idiot for not having gone past through that stage at home. Wouldn't it have been easier to deal with to meet an easy-going Geralt that had always been like this and blame it on the differences between worlds?
He doesn't know anymore. These are very complicated questions, and he's done over-analyzing them. Emotional exhaustion at its fullest.
You need something else.
Fuck, the witch had known exactly what she was doing, Jaskier hates to admit. This is technically wrong - worlds have been altered, Dandelion is now suffering from a reputation (and maybe a witcher?) he doesn't deserve, Jaskier is enjoying a friendship and a household he didn't earn. Except the witch thought he did, and now Geralt is telling him the same:
After twenty years, he's allowed to have a break. To have his loyalty rewarded.
It's going to bite him on the ass later, he knows. Going home will much more difficult, moving on after having a taste of this will be pure pain. But he's going to suffer anyway, isn't he? He can't take the last twenty years of his life back, then may as well enjoy this while it lasts. Besides, since when has he worried so much about the possible consequences? When have potential cuckold husbands and monster wounds ever stopped him before?
Never. And fucking Geralt of Rivia isn't going to take that away from him. He isn't a young maiden to suffer from heartbreak like this. He's Jaskier of Oxenfurt, and everyone he meets has a piece of his heart. The witcher took the biggest one so far, but he won't allow him to take it all.
"That sounds familiar. Are you sure it was for only half an hour?" He asks as a little smile reaches his lips and he dares to close his arms around Geralt's waist. This witcher is a walking furnace as well, heh. If it pleases him? It does. A lot. "Ah, I should've guessed your crippling addiction to gambling transcended worlds." It feels good, being able to tease. Jaskier gives that (shapely built as ever, damn) waist a squeeze before pulling back, wrinkling his noise at the mention of drinking more. "Thank you. Seriously. I'll take you up for that offer of wine later, right now I can already feel a killer hangover coming. So if you excuse me, I shall find one of those lovely rooms you promised, and take a bloody nap."
Geralt does move aside this time, and Jaskier thanks him with a nod before he makes his way out into the hallway. Finding a guest room is easy, all these estates are similar like that in their structure, and the gods know Jaskier has played in enough of them - never mind the fact he also grew up in one. Having a new room where h's about to stay in for a few days usually comes with a ritual of putting away his stuff that Geralt knows well, but right now Jaskier is fucking exhausted. So he leaves them against the wall for now, and only takes off his doublet and wet pants before climbing under the covers.
Sleep comes easy after a month of hell, and he dreams of a warm hug and a comforting hand rubbing his back.
The sun hasn't quite set yet when he wakes up, but the colors of an afternoon ending are already appearing on the sky. Jaskier stays in bed for a moment, admiring them through the window as his lets his mind wander and come to terms with everything that happened that morning. He's not fully okay, not quite yet, but the conclusion he reached stills hold true in his heart: things are gonna suck anyway, may as well enjoy this as it lasts. That's how he's always moved on from heartbreak anyway, a night of drinking followed by pushing through like always, trying not to let it bother him, because that's how life and the matters of the heart work.
He's been an idiot the past month, suffering over a man that doesn't deserve it. And he's fucking done with that. Feeling revitalized with a new goal and purpose, Jaskier gets out of bed in a better mood, charms ready to find a maid - only someone like Geralt could smell the edge of sadness that hides behind this feeling of a new adventure. Jaskier smiles and winks, which gets him his dirty clothes sent away to be washed and a basin of clean, fresh water to wash himself as well. Dressed in his light blue doublet and with his hair properly brushed now, Jaskier leaves his room to explore.
It's a beautiful estate, that's for sure. Perfect for retirement, if that's what Geralt is doing, judging by the whole wine-and-gwent deal. It's funny, to think of Geralt as head of a household. The witcher had mentioned Jaskier's grandmother though, so he has to assume poor Dandelion suffered though Lettenhove as well - so maybe New Geralt is doing well thanks to extra help. Speaking of help, all the servants seem to be happy and relaxed in their jobs. Which is a great thing, obviously, but Jaskier can't help being surprised by it. It's a shitty thought he knows, but where he's from, people don't want to hang out with witchers. He's happy for Geralt to have found workers that respect him and don't fear him.
All the guest rooms seem to be about the same, so Jaskier isn't disappointed with his choice. He finds the desk Geralt told him about and gods, isn't that a sight, because it surely feels like a workplace he would've set up for himself. Half of him wants to use it, the other finds it too weird of a concept. It seems these contradictory feelings are going to follow him around for a while.
When he makes it to the master bedroom, curiosity gets the better of him pretty quickly. Are the swords the same? The medallion isn't. And this Geralt wears colors, what's up with that? Of course Jaskier needs the details! When he enters the room, however, the first things he notices aren't Geralt's.
That, right there, is Filavandrel's lute.
No. It can't be. Geralt is probably just taking care of it while Dandelion is gone, right? Except a closer look around the room tells him his assumptions may be correct after all. Shaking hands open the wardrobe and...
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck.
It's like being punched in his stomach again in Posada.
Heart beating too fast to be possible, Jaskier runs back to his room, where he takes deep breaths and tries to calm down as he paces from wall to wall. He said he wouldn't allow this place to torture him anymore, right? Easier said than done of course, because the unfairness of it all keeps creeping up on him, taking him unaware and unprepared, delivering emotional kicks that keep squeezing his lungs out of air and his heart out of blood.
What he needs is to get all his feelings off his chest, cleanse his soul before going back to exploring, flirting and picking up stories from various new people. His mood isn't right for writing, however...
Jaskier stares at his lute, hesitating. And in the end he decides to hell with it. He grabs his instrument, sits on the windowsill...
And that's how suddenly the house is presented with the notes and lyrics of Her Sweet Kiss.
It's like therapy, okay. (Sorry about any crying maids.)
Geralt let Jaskier off to his own devices for the rest of the morning, which-- judging from the slow, even heartbeat that he could hear in one of the guest rooms-- was sleeping off all of the vodka that he drank and heartache that he spilled. Geralt goes about his business for the day, pleased that Jaskier is safe in bed, and with the discomfort of the fact that Dandelion is not weighing heavily on the back of his mind.
Dandelion can handle himself. He has traveled the roads on his own for years, knows how to use the knives that Geralt gave him to defend himself if he has to. Or, sometimes, if he doesn't-- he's has had to physically pick him up and pull him away from fights that he's started, usually over someone saying something unflattering about witchers. Dandelion takes great offense at that kind of thing on Geralt's behalf.
(In another world, a bard follows after a witcher, ignoring his sullen silence, walking next to a brown mare. He sneaks her sugar cubes when he thinks the witcher isn't watching, but his bribes don't go unnoticed.)
Later, when the afternoon is sinking into evening, Geralt returns to the house after a good, long ride on Roach and takes off her tack, gives her a rub-down for the evening. There's a stable boy who could do that kind of thing, but he knows that Geralt likes to take care of Roach after rides, and that he prefers to get her dinner oats and water himself. He's walking back towards the house when he hears the sound of a lute, and though the melody is unfamiliar, for a moment it feels like everything is how it should be. Dandelion, sitting in the windowsill, trying out a new composition to see if he likes how it sounds. He cuts through the scullery to get back inside, and one of the maids is standing hear the sink, dabbing at her eyes. She startles when he walks in-- it's Lily, one of the newer girls, and she's... the cook's niece, he thinks-- and tries to dry her tears a little faster, pats down her apron like she's embarrassed to be caught in such a state.
"Terribly sorry, Master Geralt," she says, and he's already told her about a dozen times that just Geralt is fine, but she's upset so he lets it go, "It's just, your friend, the bard, he's playing something and it was just so sad. Lovely, but the kind of thing that makes you feel like you want to have a good cry."
Geralt has never felt like he needs to have a good cry in his life, but he just nods along as though he understands. He leaves her to her own devices, stepping into the hall.
I'm weak my love, and I am wanting,
He walks down it, towards the open window where Jaskier sits, silhouetted by the red and gold light of the approaching sunset. The light in his hair makes it look like a gold halo around his head, gilds his skin.
If this is the path I must trudge, I welcome my sentence, give to you my penance,
They aren't far from the bedrooms. Geralt catches a brief trail of Jaskier's distinctive scent, and though he doesn't follow it, it heads in the direction of the master, the one that he shares with Dandelion.
Garroter, jury and judge.
He waits until the bard is finished with his song-- it would be rude to interrupt.
Jaskier is, to the surprise of nobody, a very emotional person. He feels a lot and he feels strongly, and that's of course one of the things that make him such a good artist. He keeps his regular notebook to compose, but he also has an extra secret one, one that is almost a diary - as an artist, the best way for him to handle his emotions is through poetry. It helps him greatly to handle so any emotions by putting them into words and onto paper. They aren't the best of his writing, and he doesn't care. He doesn't write those to present to his professors in Oxenfurt or to sing in court - he allows to be silly, less perfect, just a way to take it all off his chest. He always feels more centered when he's done.
Her Sweet Kiss is a 'proper' song, one he could sing for a public if he wants to. But right now, it's working as his silly rhymes would usually do: it helps him calm down, helps him quench the flames that threaten to burn him from the inside. It's cathartic, that's what it is.
But that doesn't mean he isn't startled by New Geralt's sudden appearance. Fuck, did it hear it all?
And why should it matter anyway? Judging from what he saw in the master bedroom, this Geralt wouldn't have a negative reaction to Jaskier's pining. He's allowed to express himself... it's such a weird thought to wrap his mind around.
"I hope you know better than expecting me to apologize." He says with a little smile, watching the witcher closely for any clues about his thoughts on the song. His scent continues to be bittersweet. "My song has reached a gentle heart with its message - such an emotional reaction is a compliment for this bard! The magic of poetry showing its power! The only thing I lament is having missed it."
Not quite all, but enough. Enough that he has an idea of what it's about, and who the players in it are. Jaskier, like Dandelion, wears his heart directly on his sleeve, and Geralt has heard enough about his alternate universe self to have a pretty good idea who the garroter, jury and judge is.
He leans against the wall with his arms loosely crossed, not far from Jaskier's window. Watches him as he rambles a little about gentle hearts and the magic of poetry; it's not the words that Geralt is paying attention to, though. Bards can talk and talk until their throats are hoarse and still say nothing at all. What they can't hide, though, is their scent, and behind all that chatter about compliments to his talents, there's still sadness.
"She probably didn't want to bother you."
Hence the whole fleeing to the scullery thing. Besides, few people like to be seen when they're crying; no one cries prettily, not if they're doing it in earnest.
"Her sweet kiss, huh?"
It's a good song, really. The kind of thing that would get Jaskier a lot of coin if he played it at just the right time, when the audience was in the right kind of mood. With certain crowds, a maudlin ballad about lost love and heartache could open purses just as well as a bawdy song.
"If you want my opinion, the subject of your song's an idiot."
Come on, Geralt, at least the bard is speaking with long, poetic sentences again. Isn't that a good sign?
"Ah, but she wouldn't have!" A hand goes to his chest, the maid's gesture considered touching. "What a sweetheart she is, I'll have a word with her later. Dedicate her a happier song."
Maybe make out with her if the opportunity makes itself known, why not.
Ah, but never mind the maid, New Geralt confirms he's heard the song. Which shouldn't be surprising because witcher ears, but still. He doesn't comment on Jaskier's feelings, at least - no teasing, no disgust, nothing but sympathy. Jaskier appreciates it more than he can describe.
"If by 'idiot' you mean 'a big dimwitted, cretinous, emotional constipated, blithering oaf', then agreed."
A shrug, as if it wasn't a big deal. Except it totally is, but he's supposed to be doing soul cleansing right now, let the memory of the asshole go. Impossible to do with another Geralt next to him, talking with the same voice, but he's gotta try. That's the plan anyway.
It fails quite badly.
"You and Dandelion..." He says as he looks at the sunset, fingers playing random notes, stomach turning once again. "...you're together."
Jaskier is Jaskier, and at the end of the day, his curiosity will always get the best out of him.
Geralt hums in response to the bard’s many and varied insults for his alternate universe counterpart. It’s justified, anyway, considering how poorly the other witcher had treated him. Who could blame him for his ire after the things that were said at their parting?
Jaskier doesn’t look at him, instead turning his gaze to the lovely sunset that colors the whole vineyard in shades of red and gold. It’s the kind of sight that men paid thousands for. The fact that it’s now Geralt’s is... something that he’s still getting used to, even after a full year. The idea that maybe he’ll be a witcher who retires.
You and Dandelion... you’re together.
Geralt had wondered when Jaskier would ask that question. When he would notice that the witcher and his bard are a little closer than just best friends in the whole wide world. Not that Dandelion isn’t— he’s just also his lover, too.
“We are,” he says. “Dandelion is the heart of me, and he has been for probably longer than I realized. Though living with me has been a recent development for the both of us.”
Both because neither have been the settling down types, and because having the estate has been quite the new thing. And Geralt knows that Dandelion won’t stay for good— he has to go back to Novigrad, to the Chameleon, eventually. It’s what he wanted for so long and Geralt won’t demand that he stay.
“I won’t apologize for it. If I’ve learned anything from him, it’s that I spent too long denying the things I felt. But I hope this won’t make you uncomfortable.”
Ah. The bittersweet scent gets stronger. Dandelion is the heart of me. Part of Jaskier wonders if he should be happy this other bard has chosen a different flower for his name, because he isn't sure he could've listened to that very sentence said with his own name and survive.
His heart beats a little faster, the smile on his face is small and kinda sad, but honest. At least one of them got what they wanted - he's a bit jealous (scratch that, very jealous) but also genuinely happy for him. At least one bard should be rewarded for dealing with this oaf of a witcher. He has been for probably longer than I realized. Fuck, a year ago- hell, a month ago that would've given him hope. Not realizing how he feels is that kind of thing Geralt would do.
The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it's something out of a story. Companion souls that meet again in another world... he can feel the words coming. In another life, in another place, I'd have held you close, I'd have known your grace.
It's Geralt's next statement that snaps him out of his composing mode. He turns to look at the witcher again, confusion and bafflement obvious in his face.
"Apologize?!" Oh look, it's the High Pitched Indignant Voice (TM). "Nobody should ever apologize for love, Geralt." A pause before he mumbles. "...even if there's something to be said about your taste in women."
Okay, look, not even when he's happy for them he can leave the pettiness behind, okay. Not ever, and especially not now that he's feeling all kinds of weird things about this deal. Any moment is a good moment to throw a jab at Yennefer.
"But I'm glad to hear you're finally expressing wants." He says as he looks through the window again, voice softening and fingers playing random chords. "I don't know how you think this may make me uncomfortable. You heard the song."
Geralt isn't surprised by the shift in Jaskier's scent-- not after hearing this ballad, knowing the kind of heartache that he's carrying. He and Dandelion are what Jaskier wants and cannot have, the love of the witcher that he'd given the best years of his life to. Where Dandelion had been rewarded for his loyalty and companionship with affection, gentleness, and intimacy, Jaskier had been given harsh words and an undignified send-off. Tossed aside like an old dog. Who wouldn't be a little bitter, a little jealous?
Jaskier launches into a little rant about love, which seems like it may be one of his favorite topics to rant about. Geralt indulges him through it, until he trails off with something about his taste in women.
"I'm not apologizing," he says, "and I think there's nothing wrong with my taste in women. They were all amazing people, even if they weren't the ones for me. Still friends with many of them."
Even Yennefer. Just because breaking the djinn wish had revealed that the intense, all-consuming attraction had been nothing more than magic, that didn't negate decades of knowing her. She is still important to him, though not in the same way.
"I thought this might make you uncomfortable because of what I heard in the song."
Geralt pushes off of the wall with his shoulder and instead sits below the windowsill, makes himself comfortable near Jaskier's feet.
"I've been told that I've gotten a lot better at talking and listening, in the past few years," he offers, tilting his head back to look up at the bard. "Can string a few words together, learned to pay attention when people talk about things that aren't about a contract or horses. You could talk about it, if you want. Maybe I'll have some insight."
Who else would know the inner workings of Geralt's mind better than Geralt himself? And if it would help ease him, either by confirming his suspicions or rejecting them, Geralt would listen. Gods know he's sat next to Dandelion to help sort out far more foolish problems than this.
"And if not, dinner will be ready in about an hour. I can make sure there's plenty of wine."
It takes Jaskier a moment to wrap his mind around that, brow frowning in confusion - not as big as he and Dandelion, obviously, still processing that one thank you very much, but still. New Geralt had said he used to speak in grunts, as well, to be more like Old Geralt. He's older and nicer now, and that's good and all, but it's still weird to think of him as going out there and getting a bunch of not-paid lovers...
Like, let's say, a bard would do.
It's a good thing, really, that Geralt has achieved another step into normality, so to speak. Fewer people afraid of him, the kindness and affection he deserves. But Jaskier is Jaskier, and jealousy remains, especially when he thinks about poor Dandelion. Their relationship is recent, New Geralt said, which means Dandelion had to live through all those lovers. Jaskier never thought he'd see the day he would be thankful for just having to deal with Yennefer. Which is an incredibly selfish thought, because again, Geralt deserves this little piece of normality.
His heart just happens to be a mess right now. So much for having to reach that conclusion when he woke up, huh?
He supposes it had been silly of him to think he could just let go and enjoy this vacation so easily. New Geralt may be new, but he's still Geralt. Any conversation they have from now on will always end up back on these topics, on the differences, on making Jaskier's heart ache. Like now, with the witcher sitting under his feet, just hanging out like friends would do. Offering an ear for the bard's wordy rants, not something he's ever thought he could have.
It only takes him a second to jump off the windowsill and sit next to New Geralt on the floor, shoulders touching. If they had a fire in front of them, it could almost be like the old times - well, except it was never like this with Old Geralt, was it? So... comfortable. So open.
Jaskier loves talking about himself. But he's never talked about Geralt himself, not this level of honesty, he's realizing now. He's sung his praises and defended their friendship, but he's never truly shared the details of what they had with anyone, except maybe the Countess de Stael. And even her only got like one tenth of it.
If I talk about it, I'll cry again.
Putting it into words makes him feel so stupid. Jaskier has dealt with heartbreak many a time, but right now he just wants to scream. It's not just a lost love - he never even expected that from Geralt anyway. It's the loss of his best friend, his youth, his identity. So proud he's been of what he's done with his life, and who is he now? What kind of idiot is he for having built a reputation so entangled with the White Wolf's? He ran away from his family to, among other things, leave Julian behind and be the true Jaskier in him. What have the last twenty years become?
A lie.
He should say that. Instead he says-
"So you want to hear in detail what a fool I am? Why, Geralt, I thought you were the nice one." He jokes, his hands betraying him as they play some of the chords for Her Sweet Kiss. "I had only been trying to insult Yennefer, you know. All I know about his taste in women besides her is... whores."
Because not even twenty years of loyalty have earned him the true story of what happened in Blaviken.
Many of them, certainly, but over the span of years, decades. Not anywhere near the kind of count that Jaskier or Dandelion got up to, but perhaps also not the complete dearth of the Geralt that Jaskier is familiar with. Somewhere in between.
But that's neither here nor there.
The bard sits next to him, their shoulders bumping like old friends. But Jaskier still smells like sadness and loss, a scent that he hasn't quite been able to shake since he got to this estate. But would it have been any better in his own world? In Oxenfurt? Or would he just be covering up the smell of heartbreak with ale and the perfume of one-night lovers?
Jaskier's hands strum a few chords, as though he can't stand to have them still. Nervous habit. Dandelion is much the same, getting fidgety in the fingers when he's upset or anxious. A helpful indicator of his mood, though, so Geralt really can't complain.
"Insulting a sorceress? A bold move," he says, and he's teasing him back. "But considering that your song is about how she's so devastatingly beautiful that she ruins men's lives, I don't know if she'll be insulted. Might even like it."
Probably not what he's going for, but better than having an angry sorceress on his ass. Not that Geralt thought that Yen would actually hurt Jaskier-- or Dandelion, as the case may be. If his version of her is anything like the one in this world, she doesn't bicker with him to waste her time, she does it for the entertainment, for the fun of it. The odd camaraderie she has with Dandelion would undoubtedly surprise this bard greatly. But maybe there's hope in that. If Dandelion and Yennefer can get past their squabbles, perhaps anyone can. There may be a day when even Jaskier doesn't loathe the sight of her.
But he doesn't want to talk about what's gone on with his Geralt, apparently. That's fine-- heartbreak, and whatnot. Requires time and space. There's plenty of space, at least, on the estate, so he could escape whenever he wishes to someplace witcher-less. As for time-- well, Geralt hopes that they have it. It's a bit on Yen's nebulous schedule.
"I could tell you about a hunt instead," he says, switching tactics. What do bards like better than talking about themselves? Hearing stories about something they could write a song on. And even if it's not song material, it's still a story. "Something that you haven't heard before."
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Equally concerning-- the very curt, perfunctory response. Bards never give brief responses, especially not these bards. They talk and talk until you're not sure which way is up.
Geralt will have to consider his approach carefully. With Dandelion, he would just ask him what's going on directly, but this is not Dandelion. This is Jaskier, the man who does not know him like his own bard knows him, intimately and completely. He doesn't trust him like his bard does. And trust is a very important thing.
"I don't know if just any mage would work," he replies after a moment, having considered the question. "Sending someone between worlds isn't easy. And I don't think we should risk sending you through a poorly-made portal."
Or trying to bring Dandelion back through one. He would prefer it if both bards got to their intended destinations in one piece. He knows that he'd be deeply upset if Dandelion returned to him in multiple pieces, and he can only assume that Jaskier's Geralt would be displeased.
Geralt stands and walks over to a cabinet, opening one of the doors to reveal a number of bottles of various liquors. He pulls out a bottle of vodka and a pair of glasses, then returns to the breakfast table and sets them down, pouring out a measure of liquor into each. He pushes one across to Jaskier.
"It's a bit early in the day for it," he says with a shrug, "but you look like you could use it."
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Usually this would be one of those moments where he wouldn't mind to quickly agree with Geralt - he likes observing magic and monsters, but not meddling with it. People may like to make fun of his sense of self-preservation, but Jaskier still knows what to run away from. And something that not even a witcher wants to touch is high on that list, if not top spot.
That's a rational line of thinking, however, and Jaskier is feeling many things at the moment, but rational isn't one of them. He wants to be out of here as soon as possible, to leave before this world where Geralt is gentle and wants him around pushes his anger away and plants the seeds of hope again.
He can't go through that again. He can't.
Luckily the witcher knows exactly what he needs: to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Jaskier doesn't hesitate to grab the glass and chug the vodka in one go, letting the liquor do its thing as he slowly accepts the inevitable aspect of his current situation.
"Bollocks." He mumbles with a little sigh as he puts the glass back on the table with a little more force than he intended, the sound of it hitting the wood echoing in the dining room. He finally dares to look at Geralt then, mind braver with alcohol in his veins, and makes a grabby hand at the witcher. "If you're going to contact Yennefer, then pass me the bottle."
Because there's no way he'll suffer both her and not-really-except-yes-Geralt at the same time while fucking sober.
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Jaskier drains his glass of vodka quickly, needing the liquid courage. Geralt doesn't judge him for it-- gods know the both of them have used alcohol as a coping mechanism before. And, if nothing else, Dandelion tends to have an even looser tongue after he's gotten a few drinks into his stomach, and the vodka might similarly loosen Jaskier's. He pours another measure for him.
"Might've helped if you got her name," he adds, but if Jaskier had known the sorceress' name, he probably would've said it by now. They might have tried to track her down in this world, see if she could undo what her alternate universe counterpart had done. It doesn't matter at this point, though-- what's done is done. Geralt gives the vodka bottle over, putting it into Jaskier's grabbing hands. Let him deal with having to interact with Yennefer, even at a distance, however best suits him.
"Yen left me a xenovox," Geralt explains. "Let me fetch it and we'll see if she can help."
He keeps it in his bedroom, in a drawer. Yen had given it to him only for emergencies, anyway, not to use for social calls, so he rarely has occasion to use it. When he returns with the small object, he places it on the breakfast table and speaks.
"Yen? If you're there, I need to talk to you."
There are a few soft noises that filter over the box, perhaps like it's being picked up and placed in a more convenient location. The swish of cloth, the sound of footsteps.
"I hope it's for something important," the sorceress' voice drifts out of the device, clear enough that she might as well have been in the same room. "I'm quite busy."
"You always are," he says. "Look, did you notice anything strange happening in Toussaint? A fluctuation in Chaos or something?"
"I may have," she says, in a tone that Geralt knows means that she certainly did and doesn't like the fact that he knows.
"Something went wrong with some portals," he tells her. "Dandelion is gone, and I have a... version of him from another world sitting at my breakfast table."
Surprise! It's witcher horseshit again.
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And isn't that telling? Geralt is right about alcohol losing Jaskier's tongue, there goes a couple of details into whatever is going on in this bard's head - which isn't pretty, to say the least. Especially if he wasn't in the mood to flirt. At least Geralt does pass him the bottle, allowing him to silence his loud feelings for at least a moment - he's already drinking when the witcher leaves the room.
"Xenowhat now?" He asks a little too late.
Maybe a special kind of messenger bird? Whatever. If it means not having to see her, Jaskier approves. He continues to drink as he considers his next move - he should wait for notGeralt to come back, he supposes, wouldn't want him to think a portal got him again. Perhaps he could ask for a room then, or at least the library, and stay in there writing (or pretending to) and reading and avoid the rest of the world until he could find a way back home. He can't spend his whole stay here drunk just to be able to look at notGeralt's face.
Although the idea is very tempting...
He's in the middle of chugging again when Geralt puts down a little object on the table and--
What the everlasting fuck.
Jaskier chokes on the vodka, spitting some on the table and all over his pants. Fuck, those are nice pants! Somehow he manages to glare at Geralt as he pats his chest and coughs, blue eyes filled with anger: a mix of what he brought with him already and new frustration provoked by being made talk to the witch and sounding like an drunk idiot in the process.
"Something went wrong?! She did it on purpose!" Here comes the flapping of his hands as he raises his voice, alcohol definitely helping him cut loose. "I asked for Oxenfurt, she SAID she would send me somewhere else instead! To my face! Obviously nothing went wrong on HER end!"
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"Well, he certainly complains like Dandelion," she says, and Geralt frowns because, accurate or not, the comment is purposefully inflammatory. The bard is already defensive and uncomfortable, making him more so isn't ideal.
"She told him that he needed to be here," Geralt supplies, in the hope that this information would make some sense to another sorceress.
"I don't know the minds of other sorceresses," Yen says, "nor would I generally care to. Her reasons for doing this are ultimately unimportant. If it were simply a matter of sending this bard back where he comes from, it would be a straightforward task, though perhaps not an easy one."
"But?"
"But, I assume that you want Dandelion back as well. That complicates matters." Yen hums, as though considering her options. "It's an unusual enough situation to intrigue me. Very well, Geralt, I'll see what can be done. Entertain your new bard for a little while, I'll need to do some research."
"Yen, wait--" Geralt starts to say, but he's cut off by the sorceress.
"I'll contact you when I'm ready for you. Good-bye, Geralt."
The xenovox goes silent. Geralt grumbles at it, but there's little that he can do with Yen on the other side of the Continent. If she doesn't want to answer, she won't answer, and neither hell nor high water would be able to make her change her mind.
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"I suppose some things stay true across all worlds - like being a bitch."
...okay, not his best work. But he's tired, heartbroken, confused and tipsy. Not exactly feeling very witty at the moment.
At least Geralt explains the rest to her. The fact the situation 'intrigues her' makes Jaskier roll his eyes and drink more - so if this hadn't intrigued her, she wouldn't be helping Geralt. Typical. When she says good-bye without leaving room for more, Jaskier decides to be very mature and stick his tongue out at the xenovox. It's dumb but damn, it feels right.
"I am not some child that needs to be entertained." Big words after the gesture he just made. And he definitely gets bored easily as well, but he needs to be against Yennefer's words on principle. After one more sip, he finally puts the bottle down and looks at his pants. "I need to change before this stains." A sigh. "I guess I'm stuck here for a while. May I ask for a room?"
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It's an admonishment, but only slight. If they had been sitting on the same sides of the table, it may have been accompanied by a light slap to the arm, but nothing more. Yen hardly needs Geralt to defend her-- she can defend herself against Dandelion perfectly well on her own, she can probably handle his alternate universe counterpart, too.
He's certainly not at his best, too, if he can't get more creative than bitch. Or more mature than sticking his tongue out at an inanimate object. Well-- he's had a trying day, no doubt, and he's halfway to drunk, so maybe he can be forgiven for not being particularly witty.
The bard asks for a room, which is... fine, of course. There are plenty of rooms. He could have more than one, if he wants, and sleep in different rooms as he pleases.
"Of course," he says. "Pick whichever one you want. If you go down the hall, the last door on the right is a study that Dandelion liked to write in. You can use it if you want. It gets good light."
And had a lovely view of the vineyards, which Dandelion had said was immensely important for his creative flow, when he had claimed it for his own. Though if Jaskier went through all of the guest rooms, he wouldn't find a bedroom with this world's version of Filavandrel's lute and a closet full of foppish clothes-- because they were all in the master bedroom. The lute on a stand next to a rack housing a pair of swords, doublets hung up in the closet next to plain linen shirts. A book of antique poetry on the nightstand on the right side of the bed, a manual of rare potion recipes on the nightstand on the left, the side that was nearest to the door. Other little signs of cohabitation.
"You're welcome here," he says, "for as long as it takes to get you back home. You don't have to worry."
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Geralt gets a nod at his words, followed by a snort. He sincerely doubts he'll get any writing done soon, Her Sweet Kiss being the last thing he was able to produce... a month ago. Being stuck here doesn't exactly help his mood either, which frustrates him even more, because he should be getting one hell of an unique experience and thousands of stories worth of ballads.
But no, his visit to another world includes Geralt of fucking Rivia, because of course it does, and Jaskier feels the weight of that golden gaze squeezing his heart by the second.
He stands up and gathers his things (yes, including the bottle of vodka, that's his now), then turns towards the hallway, ready to find a room to disappear into... but Geralt goes and says more. Nice words, gentle words, words that crawl under his skin with their care. It drives him crazy, it gets on his nerves, it hurts. So much. Accepting it to be real means the situation at home becomes even more unfair in contrast.
"Stop being so bloody nice!" Now that's something he never thought he'd ever say. His voice is snappy, his shoulders shaking as he speaks without turning around because even if he feels braver now thanks to the alcohol, he's afraid of finding the kindness of those words in those golden eyes as well. "I know I'm only needed to keep some-- some-- magical connection thingy or whatever to your bard. Worry not, I'll be out of your hair. This place is huge--" His voice breaks then. "--it won't be hard to keep on avoiding you until it's all over."
Keep on avoiding you. His stomach twists when he says that 'you', confusion appearing again and making his head hurt. Or maybe that's just the vodka...?
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Stop being so bloody nice, he says, then continues on with some absolute rot about avoiding Geralt for the rest of his time here. Telling him that he'd be out of his hair, as though the witcher would want or expect the bard to be anywhere but. Geralt basically invites Dandelion to be, on a daily basis. What would he do with his life if he didn't have a chatty musician in it?
The delicate approach-- admittedly not Geralt's strong point, even on the best days-- has not been particularly effective. Fine, then, he'll just have to try what usually works better for him, which is asking blunt questions until he gets answers. Works on monster hunts, it'll work on the bewildering interpersonal relations of the alternate universe counterparts of himself and his bard. Geralt stands, the legs of his chair squeaking on the floor from the abrupt movement, and crosses the room; it takes him no more than three strides. His body is between Jaskier and the hall. The bard could get around him if he must, but he couldn't take the direct route out of the room.
"What did I do to you, Jaskier?" he asks, voice low and imploring. Talk to me, it begs. "Tell me. What did the man in your world who has my name do to you?"
Yennefer is under the impression that she must simply exchange one bard for another-- perhaps Geralt will need to tell her that she has to bring another witcher into the world, solely for him to have the unique experience of being able to literally beat the shit out of himself.
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Geralt is almost begging to talk. Geralt never begs, especially not to lose his blessed silence.
And so it's the alcohol that allows him to confront all this - which makes him even madder, because never has he need liquid bravery to use his tongue or to look at Geralt in the eye. The situation is unique, he reminds himself, he has all the right in the world to feel vulnerable and lost. Besides, he doesn't want to lose this anger, he can't be that fool again - and if he requires vodka to keep those emotions from fleeing, so be it.
Having the witcher suddenly block his way makes him flinch, but this time he's ready to fight back, the questions and the begging and just the possibility of that being actual worry finally make him snap.
"Tossed me aside like an old dog!" He cries out, hurt clear in his eyes, his voice, his scent. Only one hand gesturing since the other still has the vodka, but that has never been a problem when it comes to his dramatics. "Twenty years of loyalty-" Not so young after all, is he? Just like Dandelion, the young spirit carries on his looks as well. "-of trying to understand grunts, of holding your fucking guts! Only to be blamed for all the shit in your life!" You again, and some part of him knows it's incorrect, but he isn't thinking clearly at the moment. He only sees those golden eyes and white hair and the rage flows. "So go fuck yourself, Geralt of Rivia! Now move aside or I'll change the song to throw a bottle at your witcher!"
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Geralt knows when men are lying to him, and the pain and hurt in Jaskier's scent rings true as anything. What he describes to Geralt is a terrible betrayal, a man taking two decades of loyalty and care and friendship, all for lies about how the bard has caused all of his troubles. That has never been true-- even if he had gotten into trouble at times and needed Geralt's help getting back out of it, the witcher never begrudged him for it. Never blamed him for the things that went wrong in his life, because Geralt's life is his own godsdamned responsibility. Not Jaskier's, not Yen's, not even fucking Destiny's.
So hearing that this betrayal came at his hands is a shock. Nearly incomprehensible, really-- how could someone who's supposed to be him act in a way that's so diametrically opposed? How could there be a world where Geralt of Rivia doesn't love his bard-- whether he goes by the name Dandelion or Jaskier, a rose by any other name-- and cherish him as his truest friend?
"I don't understand," he says, and he'll weather having a bottle thrown at him if it will end with him getting some clarity. "I never sent Dandelion away. I never said anything like that to him. Why would I lie? And why would he ever believe it?"
Not only could he not imagine saying those things to his friend, he couldn't imagine Dandelion standing there and taking it and believing him. If he had told him that he was responsible for all the shit in his life, Dandelion would've told him that he was full of it and then immediately gone on to list all the ways that he had been the instrument of his own misery, probably in iambic pentameter or something. By the end of it, Geralt would've been the one apologizing and would've probably been talked into going to another banquet with the bard, to keep him out of trouble-- for free, of course.
"Dandelion has always been a friend to me. Is it... isn't that the same, for you?"
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How can he not give in to this care and worry he so desperately needs when it comes from the voice he's dreamed about since he was 18? It's a very powerful combo.
"Stop it. Stop--" Being so nice, he wants to say, but he can't. He can't even mean it, he wants this tenderness to evolve him. Yet each word is at the same time a needle that reminds him with sharp pain of what he could have if he had been born in the right world. "--stop rubbing it in. Stop making me feel like-- like an imbecile."
Why would he ever believe it? Gosh, such a simple question that feels like a kick to his stomach. He's dealt with similar questions a lot the past two decades - why would he follow a mutant? Why would he accept being treated like that? So many courts wanted him, and Oxenfurt itself too, yet he insisted on following Geralt. Jaskier would start singing the praises of his best friend in the whole world then, explaining actions speak louder than words. Life had been unkind to the witcher, he only needed some kindness to learn to relate to others better. He knew Geralt, he had no reason to believe his insults - or so had he thought.
Why would he ever believe it? What a question. If he believed what Geralt said so easily, then... it's because he had reasons to, right? Easy to defend the witcher against other people's insults, but when it comes to believing it himself...
Bollocks. He's such an idiot.
"I THOUGHT I WAS!" He suddenly cries out, the bottle of vodka being dropped to the floor so he can use his hand to cover his face instead. He promised he wouldn't have a breakdown, that the asshole isn't worthy of one, but alcohol and being hit in the face with the version of their relationship he's always craved for have his emotions off-center, unable to really control them (not that he's even been good at that anyway, wearing his heart in his sleeve as he does). It's overwhelming to say the least, and so some tears appear on those blue eyes. "I shaved him, for fuck's sake! I held a blade to his bloody witcher neck, and I thought that meant--"
Something. Anything. At least some kind of progress. Trust?
A sob. "Turns out I've been nothing but a maid."
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I thought I was.
Jaskier drops the bottle, and the glass is thick enough that it withstands the fall. More importantly, though, his hand rises to cover his face, but it can't hide the salt smell of his tears. Bitterness and grief, and Geralt hates it, hates the shake of his shoulders and the quiver in his voice, the pain so obviously etched into him.
He'd shaved him. Held a blade to his throat, ran it over his skin. In more recent years, Geralt had let Dandelion trim his beard for him-- the bard claimed that he did a neater job of it, though Geralt suspects that it's more that he wanted to put his expensive oils in it, soften up the hair so that he didn't get beard burn all over his lips and thighs. But even before that, he had let Dandelion shave him on the occasions that he couldn't do it himself, either due to injury or fatigue. He would never have allowed anyone to put a blade to his neck if he didn't trust them completely.
"I'm sorry," he says, bringing his hands to Jaskier's shoulders, a gentle touch. If he had been more certain that doing so wouldn't break him further, he might have pulled him into an embrace. "You shouldn't have been treated so poorly. I know that I'm not him, and he should be the one saying this to you, but-- I'm sorry, either way."
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Hasn't he earned it after two decades? He's just so fucking tired.
"...thanks. And-- I'm sorry too. I made you lose your bard yet you still were nice to me, even when I yelled at you. But you aren't him. You shouldn't be..." Apologizing. Getting Jaskier's crap. He sighs. "It's confusing, looking at you. I should know better and yet... I know those golden eyes. I know that starlight hair, that sharp jaw, that deep voice. I recognize the unique scent of Roach." It could be taken as a jab, but for once, he doesn't mean it that way. "Some details are wrong but the rest... you're just older. More scarred. I look at you and I want to throw something at your stubborn head but then you speak kindly to me, you actually use your words, and I just want to give in again. Like a fool."
Because that's what he is, there's no other explanation. His heart is being torn apart by these conflicting feelings, never has he been so overwhelmed by his own emotions - yet here he is, sadness still coming off him in waves, but also calming down under Geralt's attention. Because no matter what happens he continues to be a sucker for it. A fool indeed.
"I haven't sung about the White Wolf in a month." He finally confesses as a shaking hand reaches up to grab a handful of white shirt (a color that isn't black? so wrong). "But my reputation haunted me. I only wanted to go home, get away from it all. Was that really too much to ask for?"
It seems it was in the eyes of that bloody witch.
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Somewhere, in a different world and on a different Continent, a bard is walking into a tavern and finding a grouchy, white-haired witcher in the corner of the room.
Jaskier steps closer and lets his forehead rest on Geralt's chest, and he slides his arms around the bard in response. Holds him as friends do, as a comfort when one is upset-- as he would with Dandelion or any other friend. Well, perhaps less amorously than he would with Dandelion, but that's neither here nor there.
Starlight hair. Dandelion's used the same line before, but it's a good sign that the bard is starting to spout poetry again. A bard that doesn't make poetry is a sad thing, indeed.
"I wasn't always like this," he says, rubbing a soothing hand over Jaskier's back. "I used to talk in mostly grunts and curses. Drove Dandelion up a wall. It took years of patience to teach me how to use words instead of just saying hm and then brooding for half an hour."
But you can teach an old wolf new tricks, if you're patient enough and have exactly zero fear around witchers. Which, thankfully, Dandelion had in spades-- though he could be a coward in many other circumstances, he was always more loyal than he was cowardly. And a man who was willing to walk into Brokilon Forest after Geralt was certainly confident enough to tell the witcher to quit glaring at the wall like a sodden cat and talk to him.
"You've gotten your wish, I suppose," Geralt muses. "You are about as far away from it all as you can get. And your reputation won't haunt you here. If you don't want to sing a note, you don't have to, White Wolf ballad or otherwise. You can spend your days here drinking wine and losing to me at gwent if it pleases you."
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Is a motherfucking hug.
Jaskier's heart picks up, especially when a hand starts rubbing his back as well. It helps him hear what Geralt has to say, because here comes the crashing of feelings again. To know he isn't alone in having dealt with an emotionally constipated Geralt is a bit comforting, but at the same time, it makes him feel like more of an idiot for not having gone past through that stage at home. Wouldn't it have been easier to deal with to meet an easy-going Geralt that had always been like this and blame it on the differences between worlds?
He doesn't know anymore. These are very complicated questions, and he's done over-analyzing them. Emotional exhaustion at its fullest.
You need something else.
Fuck, the witch had known exactly what she was doing, Jaskier hates to admit. This is technically wrong - worlds have been altered, Dandelion is now suffering from a reputation (and maybe a witcher?) he doesn't deserve, Jaskier is enjoying a friendship and a household he didn't earn. Except the witch thought he did, and now Geralt is telling him the same:
After twenty years, he's allowed to have a break. To have his loyalty rewarded.
It's going to bite him on the ass later, he knows. Going home will much more difficult, moving on after having a taste of this will be pure pain. But he's going to suffer anyway, isn't he? He can't take the last twenty years of his life back, then may as well enjoy this while it lasts. Besides, since when has he worried so much about the possible consequences? When have potential cuckold husbands and monster wounds ever stopped him before?
Never. And fucking Geralt of Rivia isn't going to take that away from him. He isn't a young maiden to suffer from heartbreak like this. He's Jaskier of Oxenfurt, and everyone he meets has a piece of his heart. The witcher took the biggest one so far, but he won't allow him to take it all.
"That sounds familiar. Are you sure it was for only half an hour?" He asks as a little smile reaches his lips and he dares to close his arms around Geralt's waist. This witcher is a walking furnace as well, heh. If it pleases him? It does. A lot. "Ah, I should've guessed your crippling addiction to gambling transcended worlds." It feels good, being able to tease. Jaskier gives that (shapely built as ever, damn) waist a squeeze before pulling back, wrinkling his noise at the mention of drinking more. "Thank you. Seriously. I'll take you up for that offer of wine later, right now I can already feel a killer hangover coming. So if you excuse me, I shall find one of those lovely rooms you promised, and take a bloody nap."
Geralt does move aside this time, and Jaskier thanks him with a nod before he makes his way out into the hallway. Finding a guest room is easy, all these estates are similar like that in their structure, and the gods know Jaskier has played in enough of them - never mind the fact he also grew up in one. Having a new room where h's about to stay in for a few days usually comes with a ritual of putting away his stuff that Geralt knows well, but right now Jaskier is fucking exhausted. So he leaves them against the wall for now, and only takes off his doublet and wet pants before climbing under the covers.
Sleep comes easy after a month of hell, and he dreams of a warm hug and a comforting hand rubbing his back.
The sun hasn't quite set yet when he wakes up, but the colors of an afternoon ending are already appearing on the sky. Jaskier stays in bed for a moment, admiring them through the window as his lets his mind wander and come to terms with everything that happened that morning. He's not fully okay, not quite yet, but the conclusion he reached stills hold true in his heart: things are gonna suck anyway, may as well enjoy this as it lasts. That's how he's always moved on from heartbreak anyway, a night of drinking followed by pushing through like always, trying not to let it bother him, because that's how life and the matters of the heart work.
He's been an idiot the past month, suffering over a man that doesn't deserve it. And he's fucking done with that. Feeling revitalized with a new goal and purpose, Jaskier gets out of bed in a better mood, charms ready to find a maid - only someone like Geralt could smell the edge of sadness that hides behind this feeling of a new adventure. Jaskier smiles and winks, which gets him his dirty clothes sent away to be washed and a basin of clean, fresh water to wash himself as well. Dressed in his light blue doublet and with his hair properly brushed now, Jaskier leaves his room to explore.
It's a beautiful estate, that's for sure. Perfect for retirement, if that's what Geralt is doing, judging by the whole wine-and-gwent deal. It's funny, to think of Geralt as head of a household. The witcher had mentioned Jaskier's grandmother though, so he has to assume poor Dandelion suffered though Lettenhove as well - so maybe New Geralt is doing well thanks to extra help. Speaking of help, all the servants seem to be happy and relaxed in their jobs. Which is a great thing, obviously, but Jaskier can't help being surprised by it. It's a shitty thought he knows, but where he's from, people don't want to hang out with witchers. He's happy for Geralt to have found workers that respect him and don't fear him.
All the guest rooms seem to be about the same, so Jaskier isn't disappointed with his choice. He finds the desk Geralt told him about and gods, isn't that a sight, because it surely feels like a workplace he would've set up for himself. Half of him wants to use it, the other finds it too weird of a concept. It seems these contradictory feelings are going to follow him around for a while.
When he makes it to the master bedroom, curiosity gets the better of him pretty quickly. Are the swords the same? The medallion isn't. And this Geralt wears colors, what's up with that? Of course Jaskier needs the details! When he enters the room, however, the first things he notices aren't Geralt's.
That, right there, is Filavandrel's lute.
No. It can't be. Geralt is probably just taking care of it while Dandelion is gone, right? Except a closer look around the room tells him his assumptions may be correct after all. Shaking hands open the wardrobe and...
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck.
It's like being punched in his stomach again in Posada.
Heart beating too fast to be possible, Jaskier runs back to his room, where he takes deep breaths and tries to calm down as he paces from wall to wall. He said he wouldn't allow this place to torture him anymore, right? Easier said than done of course, because the unfairness of it all keeps creeping up on him, taking him unaware and unprepared, delivering emotional kicks that keep squeezing his lungs out of air and his heart out of blood.
What he needs is to get all his feelings off his chest, cleanse his soul before going back to exploring, flirting and picking up stories from various new people. His mood isn't right for writing, however...
Jaskier stares at his lute, hesitating. And in the end he decides to hell with it. He grabs his instrument, sits on the windowsill...
And that's how suddenly the house is presented with the notes and lyrics of Her Sweet Kiss.
It's like therapy, okay. (Sorry about any crying maids.)
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Dandelion can handle himself. He has traveled the roads on his own for years, knows how to use the knives that Geralt gave him to defend himself if he has to. Or, sometimes, if he doesn't-- he's has had to physically pick him up and pull him away from fights that he's started, usually over someone saying something unflattering about witchers. Dandelion takes great offense at that kind of thing on Geralt's behalf.
(In another world, a bard follows after a witcher, ignoring his sullen silence, walking next to a brown mare. He sneaks her sugar cubes when he thinks the witcher isn't watching, but his bribes don't go unnoticed.)
Later, when the afternoon is sinking into evening, Geralt returns to the house after a good, long ride on Roach and takes off her tack, gives her a rub-down for the evening. There's a stable boy who could do that kind of thing, but he knows that Geralt likes to take care of Roach after rides, and that he prefers to get her dinner oats and water himself. He's walking back towards the house when he hears the sound of a lute, and though the melody is unfamiliar, for a moment it feels like everything is how it should be. Dandelion, sitting in the windowsill, trying out a new composition to see if he likes how it sounds. He cuts through the scullery to get back inside, and one of the maids is standing hear the sink, dabbing at her eyes. She startles when he walks in-- it's Lily, one of the newer girls, and she's... the cook's niece, he thinks-- and tries to dry her tears a little faster, pats down her apron like she's embarrassed to be caught in such a state.
"Terribly sorry, Master Geralt," she says, and he's already told her about a dozen times that just Geralt is fine, but she's upset so he lets it go, "It's just, your friend, the bard, he's playing something and it was just so sad. Lovely, but the kind of thing that makes you feel like you want to have a good cry."
Geralt has never felt like he needs to have a good cry in his life, but he just nods along as though he understands. He leaves her to her own devices, stepping into the hall.
I'm weak my love, and I am wanting,
He walks down it, towards the open window where Jaskier sits, silhouetted by the red and gold light of the approaching sunset. The light in his hair makes it look like a gold halo around his head, gilds his skin.
If this is the path I must trudge, I welcome my sentence, give to you my penance,
They aren't far from the bedrooms. Geralt catches a brief trail of Jaskier's distinctive scent, and though he doesn't follow it, it heads in the direction of the master, the one that he shares with Dandelion.
Garroter, jury and judge.
He waits until the bard is finished with his song-- it would be rude to interrupt.
"The maid cried."
A review, in three words or less.
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Her Sweet Kiss is a 'proper' song, one he could sing for a public if he wants to. But right now, it's working as his silly rhymes would usually do: it helps him calm down, helps him quench the flames that threaten to burn him from the inside. It's cathartic, that's what it is.
But that doesn't mean he isn't startled by New Geralt's sudden appearance. Fuck, did it hear it all?
And why should it matter anyway? Judging from what he saw in the master bedroom, this Geralt wouldn't have a negative reaction to Jaskier's pining. He's allowed to express himself... it's such a weird thought to wrap his mind around.
"I hope you know better than expecting me to apologize." He says with a little smile, watching the witcher closely for any clues about his thoughts on the song. His scent continues to be bittersweet. "My song has reached a gentle heart with its message - such an emotional reaction is a compliment for this bard! The magic of poetry showing its power! The only thing I lament is having missed it."
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He leans against the wall with his arms loosely crossed, not far from Jaskier's window. Watches him as he rambles a little about gentle hearts and the magic of poetry; it's not the words that Geralt is paying attention to, though. Bards can talk and talk until their throats are hoarse and still say nothing at all. What they can't hide, though, is their scent, and behind all that chatter about compliments to his talents, there's still sadness.
"She probably didn't want to bother you."
Hence the whole fleeing to the scullery thing. Besides, few people like to be seen when they're crying; no one cries prettily, not if they're doing it in earnest.
"Her sweet kiss, huh?"
It's a good song, really. The kind of thing that would get Jaskier a lot of coin if he played it at just the right time, when the audience was in the right kind of mood. With certain crowds, a maudlin ballad about lost love and heartache could open purses just as well as a bawdy song.
"If you want my opinion, the subject of your song's an idiot."
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"Ah, but she wouldn't have!" A hand goes to his chest, the maid's gesture considered touching. "What a sweetheart she is, I'll have a word with her later. Dedicate her a happier song."
Maybe make out with her if the opportunity makes itself known, why not.
Ah, but never mind the maid, New Geralt confirms he's heard the song. Which shouldn't be surprising because witcher ears, but still. He doesn't comment on Jaskier's feelings, at least - no teasing, no disgust, nothing but sympathy. Jaskier appreciates it more than he can describe.
"If by 'idiot' you mean 'a big dimwitted, cretinous, emotional constipated, blithering oaf', then agreed."
A shrug, as if it wasn't a big deal. Except it totally is, but he's supposed to be doing soul cleansing right now, let the memory of the asshole go. Impossible to do with another Geralt next to him, talking with the same voice, but he's gotta try. That's the plan anyway.
It fails quite badly.
"You and Dandelion..." He says as he looks at the sunset, fingers playing random notes, stomach turning once again. "...you're together."
Jaskier is Jaskier, and at the end of the day, his curiosity will always get the best out of him.
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Jaskier doesn’t look at him, instead turning his gaze to the lovely sunset that colors the whole vineyard in shades of red and gold. It’s the kind of sight that men paid thousands for. The fact that it’s now Geralt’s is... something that he’s still getting used to, even after a full year. The idea that maybe he’ll be a witcher who retires.
You and Dandelion... you’re together.
Geralt had wondered when Jaskier would ask that question. When he would notice that the witcher and his bard are a little closer than just best friends in the whole wide world. Not that Dandelion isn’t— he’s just also his lover, too.
“We are,” he says. “Dandelion is the heart of me, and he has been for probably longer than I realized. Though living with me has been a recent development for the both of us.”
Both because neither have been the settling down types, and because having the estate has been quite the new thing. And Geralt knows that Dandelion won’t stay for good— he has to go back to Novigrad, to the Chameleon, eventually. It’s what he wanted for so long and Geralt won’t demand that he stay.
“I won’t apologize for it. If I’ve learned anything from him, it’s that I spent too long denying the things I felt. But I hope this won’t make you uncomfortable.”
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His heart beats a little faster, the smile on his face is small and kinda sad, but honest. At least one of them got what they wanted - he's a bit jealous (scratch that, very jealous) but also genuinely happy for him. At least one bard should be rewarded for dealing with this oaf of a witcher. He has been for probably longer than I realized. Fuck, a year ago- hell, a month ago that would've given him hope. Not realizing how he feels is that kind of thing Geralt would do.
The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it's something out of a story. Companion souls that meet again in another world... he can feel the words coming. In another life, in another place, I'd have held you close, I'd have known your grace.
It's Geralt's next statement that snaps him out of his composing mode. He turns to look at the witcher again, confusion and bafflement obvious in his face.
"Apologize?!" Oh look, it's the High Pitched Indignant Voice (TM). "Nobody should ever apologize for love, Geralt." A pause before he mumbles. "...even if there's something to be said about your taste in women."
Okay, look, not even when he's happy for them he can leave the pettiness behind, okay. Not ever, and especially not now that he's feeling all kinds of weird things about this deal. Any moment is a good moment to throw a jab at Yennefer.
"But I'm glad to hear you're finally expressing wants." He says as he looks through the window again, voice softening and fingers playing random chords. "I don't know how you think this may make me uncomfortable. You heard the song."
I'm weak, my love, and I'm wanting...
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Jaskier launches into a little rant about love, which seems like it may be one of his favorite topics to rant about. Geralt indulges him through it, until he trails off with something about his taste in women.
"I'm not apologizing," he says, "and I think there's nothing wrong with my taste in women. They were all amazing people, even if they weren't the ones for me. Still friends with many of them."
Even Yennefer. Just because breaking the djinn wish had revealed that the intense, all-consuming attraction had been nothing more than magic, that didn't negate decades of knowing her. She is still important to him, though not in the same way.
"I thought this might make you uncomfortable because of what I heard in the song."
Geralt pushes off of the wall with his shoulder and instead sits below the windowsill, makes himself comfortable near Jaskier's feet.
"I've been told that I've gotten a lot better at talking and listening, in the past few years," he offers, tilting his head back to look up at the bard. "Can string a few words together, learned to pay attention when people talk about things that aren't about a contract or horses. You could talk about it, if you want. Maybe I'll have some insight."
Who else would know the inner workings of Geralt's mind better than Geralt himself? And if it would help ease him, either by confirming his suspicions or rejecting them, Geralt would listen. Gods know he's sat next to Dandelion to help sort out far more foolish problems than this.
"And if not, dinner will be ready in about an hour. I can make sure there's plenty of wine."
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It takes Jaskier a moment to wrap his mind around that, brow frowning in confusion - not as big as he and Dandelion, obviously, still processing that one thank you very much, but still. New Geralt had said he used to speak in grunts, as well, to be more like Old Geralt. He's older and nicer now, and that's good and all, but it's still weird to think of him as going out there and getting a bunch of not-paid lovers...
Like, let's say, a bard would do.
It's a good thing, really, that Geralt has achieved another step into normality, so to speak. Fewer people afraid of him, the kindness and affection he deserves. But Jaskier is Jaskier, and jealousy remains, especially when he thinks about poor Dandelion. Their relationship is recent, New Geralt said, which means Dandelion had to live through all those lovers. Jaskier never thought he'd see the day he would be thankful for just having to deal with Yennefer. Which is an incredibly selfish thought, because again, Geralt deserves this little piece of normality.
His heart just happens to be a mess right now. So much for having to reach that conclusion when he woke up, huh?
He supposes it had been silly of him to think he could just let go and enjoy this vacation so easily. New Geralt may be new, but he's still Geralt. Any conversation they have from now on will always end up back on these topics, on the differences, on making Jaskier's heart ache. Like now, with the witcher sitting under his feet, just hanging out like friends would do. Offering an ear for the bard's wordy rants, not something he's ever thought he could have.
It only takes him a second to jump off the windowsill and sit next to New Geralt on the floor, shoulders touching. If they had a fire in front of them, it could almost be like the old times - well, except it was never like this with Old Geralt, was it? So... comfortable. So open.
Jaskier loves talking about himself. But he's never talked about Geralt himself, not this level of honesty, he's realizing now. He's sung his praises and defended their friendship, but he's never truly shared the details of what they had with anyone, except maybe the Countess de Stael. And even her only got like one tenth of it.
If I talk about it, I'll cry again.
Putting it into words makes him feel so stupid. Jaskier has dealt with heartbreak many a time, but right now he just wants to scream. It's not just a lost love - he never even expected that from Geralt anyway. It's the loss of his best friend, his youth, his identity. So proud he's been of what he's done with his life, and who is he now? What kind of idiot is he for having built a reputation so entangled with the White Wolf's? He ran away from his family to, among other things, leave Julian behind and be the true Jaskier in him. What have the last twenty years become?
A lie.
He should say that. Instead he says-
"So you want to hear in detail what a fool I am? Why, Geralt, I thought you were the nice one." He jokes, his hands betraying him as they play some of the chords for Her Sweet Kiss. "I had only been trying to insult Yennefer, you know. All I know about his taste in women besides her is... whores."
Because not even twenty years of loyalty have earned him the true story of what happened in Blaviken.
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But that's neither here nor there.
The bard sits next to him, their shoulders bumping like old friends. But Jaskier still smells like sadness and loss, a scent that he hasn't quite been able to shake since he got to this estate. But would it have been any better in his own world? In Oxenfurt? Or would he just be covering up the smell of heartbreak with ale and the perfume of one-night lovers?
Jaskier's hands strum a few chords, as though he can't stand to have them still. Nervous habit. Dandelion is much the same, getting fidgety in the fingers when he's upset or anxious. A helpful indicator of his mood, though, so Geralt really can't complain.
"Insulting a sorceress? A bold move," he says, and he's teasing him back. "But considering that your song is about how she's so devastatingly beautiful that she ruins men's lives, I don't know if she'll be insulted. Might even like it."
Probably not what he's going for, but better than having an angry sorceress on his ass. Not that Geralt thought that Yen would actually hurt Jaskier-- or Dandelion, as the case may be. If his version of her is anything like the one in this world, she doesn't bicker with him to waste her time, she does it for the entertainment, for the fun of it. The odd camaraderie she has with Dandelion would undoubtedly surprise this bard greatly. But maybe there's hope in that. If Dandelion and Yennefer can get past their squabbles, perhaps anyone can. There may be a day when even Jaskier doesn't loathe the sight of her.
But he doesn't want to talk about what's gone on with his Geralt, apparently. That's fine-- heartbreak, and whatnot. Requires time and space. There's plenty of space, at least, on the estate, so he could escape whenever he wishes to someplace witcher-less. As for time-- well, Geralt hopes that they have it. It's a bit on Yen's nebulous schedule.
"I could tell you about a hunt instead," he says, switching tactics. What do bards like better than talking about themselves? Hearing stories about something they could write a song on. And even if it's not song material, it's still a story. "Something that you haven't heard before."
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