There goes the asshole again, being poetic and respecting him his freedom, all while holding the symbol of their relationship in his hands (because of course the bastard didn't get rid of it, of course). And then he has the nerve to ask what he could even offer! How could Jaskier not love him? No, he isn't what his songs say - he's so much more.
Trying to play the lute again is impossible - his hands are shaking again, he tries two notes (terrible, just terrible) and that's enough to make him close his eyes and bump his head back against the stone of the windowsill. He's emotional, and restless, and he needs to do something to distract himself, not to give in, not to run to Geralt like he so badly wants to do right now to take care of that witcher logic bullshit.
And by the gods, Jaskier hates witcher logic bullshit so fucking much.
Right after his rescue, he told he wanted to forgive Geralt, but there's only so much he could take. How could he know the mountain fiasco wouldn't happen again? Ominous words, he realizes now. He gave in back then, and this is where it's brought him: with the pieces of his heart stuck in his throat. Geralt had promised, had given him his word, and what would happen if he does the same this time? What would make it any different?
Jaskier doesn't know what to do. He wants to fix things, he truly does. But like Geralt himself had said in Oxenfurt: I'm tired of always being in fucking pieces.
One blue eye opens when he hears the cursing and-- nostrils flaring. Ah, right. That's what's bothering him. Jaskier is used to being a touchy person, he hasn't even thought about how that would influence his scent. Because of Nilfgaard, they haven't exactly been out and about being social since they got together.
"I hugged him. We spent the day doing chores together, and I hugged him, and asked him to be my friend. He accepted." A pause as he considers how to word things next - he isn't saying this to placate Geralt's stupid jealousy (although it wouldn't be a bad idea, if they're going to have this talk, they need it free of any stupid assumptions). He's saying it for the sake of his own boundaries. "I woke up here, so I can only assume he was the one to bring me when I fell asleep - because that's what friends do. I have many a friend, Geralt. And I like hugging them. I also like going to taverns or feasts and dance with strangers, enjoy guiding the delicate feet of sweet maidens through the rhythm of a waltz. Human contact is part of my life, Geralt, one that isn't up for negotiation."
A sigh. Hopefully that's clear enough. He shouldn't need to clarify that said human contact is completely platonic - if he should, well. Things may be worse than he thought. Then again, isn't that what has brought them in this situation in the first place? Geralt not trusting his word. That's the topic Jaskier needs to jump on, but he knows Geralt, understands how his mind works. He isn't in the mood to go through the old same reassurances of you aren't the monster they say you are, you deserve kindness when he is feeling like the witcher had been behaving like shit, but if he doesn't take care of this first, they'll never be able to advance the conversation.
"Nobody chooses who they fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants." He explains as restless fingers are tapped on the wood of the lute, a leg getting shaky as well. "What exactly have I asked of you that you think you cannot give me?"
no subject
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck.
There goes the asshole again, being poetic and respecting him his freedom, all while holding the symbol of their relationship in his hands (because of course the bastard didn't get rid of it, of course). And then he has the nerve to ask what he could even offer! How could Jaskier not love him? No, he isn't what his songs say - he's so much more.
Trying to play the lute again is impossible - his hands are shaking again, he tries two notes (terrible, just terrible) and that's enough to make him close his eyes and bump his head back against the stone of the windowsill. He's emotional, and restless, and he needs to do something to distract himself, not to give in, not to run to Geralt like he so badly wants to do right now to take care of that witcher logic bullshit.
And by the gods, Jaskier hates witcher logic bullshit so fucking much.
Right after his rescue, he told he wanted to forgive Geralt, but there's only so much he could take. How could he know the mountain fiasco wouldn't happen again? Ominous words, he realizes now. He gave in back then, and this is where it's brought him: with the pieces of his heart stuck in his throat. Geralt had promised, had given him his word, and what would happen if he does the same this time? What would make it any different?
Jaskier doesn't know what to do. He wants to fix things, he truly does. But like Geralt himself had said in Oxenfurt: I'm tired of always being in fucking pieces.
One blue eye opens when he hears the cursing and-- nostrils flaring. Ah, right. That's what's bothering him. Jaskier is used to being a touchy person, he hasn't even thought about how that would influence his scent. Because of Nilfgaard, they haven't exactly been out and about being social since they got together.
"I hugged him. We spent the day doing chores together, and I hugged him, and asked him to be my friend. He accepted." A pause as he considers how to word things next - he isn't saying this to placate Geralt's stupid jealousy (although it wouldn't be a bad idea, if they're going to have this talk, they need it free of any stupid assumptions). He's saying it for the sake of his own boundaries. "I woke up here, so I can only assume he was the one to bring me when I fell asleep - because that's what friends do. I have many a friend, Geralt. And I like hugging them. I also like going to taverns or feasts and dance with strangers, enjoy guiding the delicate feet of sweet maidens through the rhythm of a waltz. Human contact is part of my life, Geralt, one that isn't up for negotiation."
A sigh. Hopefully that's clear enough. He shouldn't need to clarify that said human contact is completely platonic - if he should, well. Things may be worse than he thought. Then again, isn't that what has brought them in this situation in the first place? Geralt not trusting his word. That's the topic Jaskier needs to jump on, but he knows Geralt, understands how his mind works. He isn't in the mood to go through the old same reassurances of you aren't the monster they say you are, you deserve kindness when he is feeling like the witcher had been behaving like shit, but if he doesn't take care of this first, they'll never be able to advance the conversation.
"Nobody chooses who they fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants." He explains as restless fingers are tapped on the wood of the lute, a leg getting shaky as well. "What exactly have I asked of you that you think you cannot give me?"